Today was the first day of class, ending the three-week mid-semester hiatus. I find I am still slightly terrified every first day, perhaps time is the only thing that can alleviate the nervous anticipation of delivering a successful lesson to bleary-eyed students whose desire to be anywhere but the classroom is wholly comparable to yours.
But, time is one thing that I now severly lack. Today, I had to make the official declaration that I would not be returning to the school for the next academic year. This marks a complete reversal from the position I found myself in a year ago. I have truly loved and have been so thankful for my time here in Bangkok but teaching has never been my heart's calling and there is a part of me that knows it's time to return to the path I set out for myself so many years ago.
So, as they say, it's the final countdown. In 5 months I'll have to say farewell to a place that means every bit as much to me as home.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
(Mis)Adventures
There are events in your life that mark themselves in your soul. These life-altering events that you can never be rid of.
India was such an event.
"The first night was truly a haze. I was quickly rescued by Nianne, a bright familiar face amongst the hundreds of others - so similar, all clamoring to be noticed by me. One night in a cramped hotel room followed by hours of traveling in our van. Our little India family: Jaki, Nianne, and me, not forget Roshan, our silent but indispensable driver.
There are many ways to see India, I'm sure. For the majority of the experience, mine took place behind a few inches of glass and an average speed of 60 kph.
For four days I watched India pass by, variably uninvolved. There were breaks in semi-reality of course; food breaks, bathroom breaks, and the like. Ah, and don't forget the sight-seeing - the jewel of our trip. The majesty of my first full view of the Taj Mahal is one that is eternally imprinted on me. At one point, I pressed myself arms-wide against a small face of the inspiring monument to love - partly to ascertain its realness yet also to lose myself in its overwhelming facade.
Next up was Jaipur, also known as the pink city, a place certainly not to be missed if you find yourself "passing through" India - if there is such a thing. Jaipur was by far my favorite city, busy yet not suffocating and the beautiful Amber Fort could be considered a significant rival to the Taj for its size and beauty, albeit erected for less romantic means.
My journey till then had been spent with my good friends Jaki and Nianne. Nianne hails from Bombay (Mumbai) so was a grateful boon to our wanderings But, I knew what lay in store for me after Jaipur - a tearful farewell to my compatriots as they continued their journey to Bombay and I trekked out solo to Delhi.
If you consult your 'God's gift to travelers', aka Lonely Planet, about Delhi it offers 2 separate lists of travel warnings - one for solo travelers and one for the female variety. To combine both unfortunate aspects is to drown yourself in a host of advisories and cautionary tales, yet this was the city to which I set out. For my mother's sake, I shan't delve into the unfortunate encounters (ranging from the more benign to the truly threatening) that plagued my trip to Delhi from the very outset. Thank goodness for the seemingly exaggerated stories of danger from my Bangkok friends that kept me alert and possibly saved me.
All in all, I am composing this entry sitting in the Delhi International Airport a full 36 hours earlier than my initial departure time, so perhaps this is the truest evidence of the horror of my solo (mis)adventure.
My last hour in the city consisted of me choking back tears and curses over the shattered Bollywood illusions I held about India. I hated the city, the country, even the taxi driver next to me. I could hardly see the detestable city rush by through my bloodshot eyes, partly due to tears shed over a phone call to Tom as well as the complete lack of sleep since I landed in the city 16 hours prior.
The good man next to me must have noticed my despondent spirits because he tried to teach me the Chinese words for "go home," "happy," and "beautiful girl" (the Chinese only makes sense because I grabbed the taxi after escaping to the Tibetan Refugee area on the outskirts of Delhi). However, when these failed to make a positive impact, I suddenly found myself on an unexpected and unacknowledged tour of a number of the sights in Delhi that I never managed to see. Unfortunately, by this point, I was too physically and emotionally drained to even rummage for my camera but I knew he was pleased when my face broke into a semblance of a smile, my first since stepping into Delhi.
Oh India, so ugly and yet filled with wonder. I am rushing away from your shores but you have left a considerable impact. I am not as strong as I inwardly believed myself to be. The world is dark and I am expendable. Dorothy had it right all along, there's no place like home.
Click
Click
Click."
~ Delhi, India
10 October 2009
India was such an event.
"The first night was truly a haze. I was quickly rescued by Nianne, a bright familiar face amongst the hundreds of others - so similar, all clamoring to be noticed by me. One night in a cramped hotel room followed by hours of traveling in our van. Our little India family: Jaki, Nianne, and me, not forget Roshan, our silent but indispensable driver.
There are many ways to see India, I'm sure. For the majority of the experience, mine took place behind a few inches of glass and an average speed of 60 kph.
For four days I watched India pass by, variably uninvolved. There were breaks in semi-reality of course; food breaks, bathroom breaks, and the like. Ah, and don't forget the sight-seeing - the jewel of our trip. The majesty of my first full view of the Taj Mahal is one that is eternally imprinted on me. At one point, I pressed myself arms-wide against a small face of the inspiring monument to love - partly to ascertain its realness yet also to lose myself in its overwhelming facade.
Next up was Jaipur, also known as the pink city, a place certainly not to be missed if you find yourself "passing through" India - if there is such a thing. Jaipur was by far my favorite city, busy yet not suffocating and the beautiful Amber Fort could be considered a significant rival to the Taj for its size and beauty, albeit erected for less romantic means.
My journey till then had been spent with my good friends Jaki and Nianne. Nianne hails from Bombay (Mumbai) so was a grateful boon to our wanderings But, I knew what lay in store for me after Jaipur - a tearful farewell to my compatriots as they continued their journey to Bombay and I trekked out solo to Delhi.
If you consult your 'God's gift to travelers', aka Lonely Planet, about Delhi it offers 2 separate lists of travel warnings - one for solo travelers and one for the female variety. To combine both unfortunate aspects is to drown yourself in a host of advisories and cautionary tales, yet this was the city to which I set out. For my mother's sake, I shan't delve into the unfortunate encounters (ranging from the more benign to the truly threatening) that plagued my trip to Delhi from the very outset. Thank goodness for the seemingly exaggerated stories of danger from my Bangkok friends that kept me alert and possibly saved me.
All in all, I am composing this entry sitting in the Delhi International Airport a full 36 hours earlier than my initial departure time, so perhaps this is the truest evidence of the horror of my solo (mis)adventure.
My last hour in the city consisted of me choking back tears and curses over the shattered Bollywood illusions I held about India. I hated the city, the country, even the taxi driver next to me. I could hardly see the detestable city rush by through my bloodshot eyes, partly due to tears shed over a phone call to Tom as well as the complete lack of sleep since I landed in the city 16 hours prior.
The good man next to me must have noticed my despondent spirits because he tried to teach me the Chinese words for "go home," "happy," and "beautiful girl" (the Chinese only makes sense because I grabbed the taxi after escaping to the Tibetan Refugee area on the outskirts of Delhi). However, when these failed to make a positive impact, I suddenly found myself on an unexpected and unacknowledged tour of a number of the sights in Delhi that I never managed to see. Unfortunately, by this point, I was too physically and emotionally drained to even rummage for my camera but I knew he was pleased when my face broke into a semblance of a smile, my first since stepping into Delhi.
Oh India, so ugly and yet filled with wonder. I am rushing away from your shores but you have left a considerable impact. I am not as strong as I inwardly believed myself to be. The world is dark and I am expendable. Dorothy had it right all along, there's no place like home.
Click
Click
Click."
~ Delhi, India
10 October 2009
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