- my M5 students running up to give me hugs on Monday (the first day back from holiday) while telling me how much they've missed me
- the naughty, but sincere, M3 boy who comes up to me and preemptively asks me not to switch him over to another teacher and promises to be better
- the old lady who takes my 15 pound gym bag and places it on her lap because the bus is over-flowing with people and I'm having difficulty standing with the weight on my shoulder
- late nights in May's room, curled up under blankets watching absolutely terrible films, but enjoying the necessary laughs after a long day
- the banana-smoothie lady on Soi 6 who knows what I need without my needing to say a word
- fire-dancers and other Koh Samet adventures with Kim and Jahnavi
- well-timed letters and postcards from loved ones from home (thanks Katie and Chi-Chi - yes Chi-Chi, your silly postcard FINALLY made it over here)
- notes/emails/facebook messages of encouragement
- loving and being loved
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Love Letter
My darling T,
Every day that I'm not with you tears at just a little piece of my heart. I may be older but I still look up to your strength and patience. Life is tough and it's only going to get tougher but you are the most amazing person I've ever known and I know that you can handle whatever is thrown at you. Always hold your head up high because you are loved and precious.
There is no better friend than a sister. And there is no better sister than you.
Love,
Big Sis
Every day that I'm not with you tears at just a little piece of my heart. I may be older but I still look up to your strength and patience. Life is tough and it's only going to get tougher but you are the most amazing person I've ever known and I know that you can handle whatever is thrown at you. Always hold your head up high because you are loved and precious.
There is no better friend than a sister. And there is no better sister than you.
Love,
Big Sis
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Phuket
I think I'm going stir-crazy in Bangkok.
I've had such an amazing time here this holiday and am barely regretful for not leaving Thailand or even Bangkok to explore the world just around me.
Nevertheless, I think I should at least get out of the city limits for a few days, so I am considering going to Phuket - a friend has offered the use of a beach house and it would just be me, my book, and the ocean.
Phuket
Sounds nice.
I've had such an amazing time here this holiday and am barely regretful for not leaving Thailand or even Bangkok to explore the world just around me.
Nevertheless, I think I should at least get out of the city limits for a few days, so I am considering going to Phuket - a friend has offered the use of a beach house and it would just be me, my book, and the ocean.
Phuket
Sounds nice.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Things that make me angry
...70 year old European men and 16 year old Thai girls
...men who take children from their homes and force them to beg on the streets of Bangkok
...parents who sell their little girls to work in the brothels and massage parlours of Bangkok
...S**
Who is S** you might ask? Well, firstly, his name is censored because he's a friend of a good friend of mine and I'd rather not ruin relations between me and her.
Last night was the goodbye party of another friend of mine who is leaving Bangkok. We hung out at Cheap Charlie's and then went of to Bed Supper for what was to be a fun night of dancing and making the most of our time with our departing friend.
S** was introduced to me (and then quickly abandoned by my dear 'friend') and subsequently spent the remainder of the time at my heels, following me at every turn. At first Kim and I didn't mind because no one likes to be by themselves while everyone is having a great time. Unfortunately, with every drink he tried to assert himself onto me more aggressively and at this point, Kim and I started taking bathroom breaks every 5 minutes.
When we came back from what seemed like our 20th trip to the restroom, S** slithered right next to me on the couch and whispered the words that almost sent him to the hospital that night.
"Did you know that every white man secretly dreams of sleeping with a black girl?"
...
...
...
...
I don't think I've ever risen to my feet so quickly in my life. I don't know if Kim was pulling or if I was pushing but I knew that if I didn't step away from this man, I would end up doing something that, while I would probably never regret, would probably land me in trouble I never wanted.
WTF S**?! WTF?! ;alkjfka;ldfkjdkfj;lasjdfkajs;ldkfjalwij;lwirejiejfr;lkafl;ksjdfkjal;djflkifw
I'm sorry, I don't even know what to say.
...men who take children from their homes and force them to beg on the streets of Bangkok
...parents who sell their little girls to work in the brothels and massage parlours of Bangkok
...S**
Who is S** you might ask? Well, firstly, his name is censored because he's a friend of a good friend of mine and I'd rather not ruin relations between me and her.
Last night was the goodbye party of another friend of mine who is leaving Bangkok. We hung out at Cheap Charlie's and then went of to Bed Supper for what was to be a fun night of dancing and making the most of our time with our departing friend.
S** was introduced to me (and then quickly abandoned by my dear 'friend') and subsequently spent the remainder of the time at my heels, following me at every turn. At first Kim and I didn't mind because no one likes to be by themselves while everyone is having a great time. Unfortunately, with every drink he tried to assert himself onto me more aggressively and at this point, Kim and I started taking bathroom breaks every 5 minutes.
When we came back from what seemed like our 20th trip to the restroom, S** slithered right next to me on the couch and whispered the words that almost sent him to the hospital that night.
"Did you know that every white man secretly dreams of sleeping with a black girl?"
...
...
...
...
I don't think I've ever risen to my feet so quickly in my life. I don't know if Kim was pulling or if I was pushing but I knew that if I didn't step away from this man, I would end up doing something that, while I would probably never regret, would probably land me in trouble I never wanted.
WTF S**?! WTF?! ;alkjfka;ldfkjdkfj;lasjdfkajs;ldkfjalwij;lwirejiejfr;lkafl;ksjdfkjal;djflkifw
I'm sorry, I don't even know what to say.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Screw you Vietnam!
...yeah, I said it.
In a week that has been a daily dose of disappointment, I am further saddened to report what I have unofficially called "The last thing that could go wrong".
Amidst the work and personal stress, the one thing that had been the proverbial 'light at the end of the tunnel' was my four-day trip to Hanoi with Bobbi.
On Friday, I took our passports and Visa application to the Embassy of Vietnam to get our visas. The trip to get there was exhausting and tiring and I was still smarting from the aforementioned events of the past few days.
I was thankful that there was only one other couple in front of me when I arrived so I patiently waited my turn. I got to the counter and passed along our passports, visa application, and monies. She looked at me, looked back at the visas, looked at me, and looked back. Then, with a slightly malicious smile in her eyes, she told me that I, personally, would need special permission from the Foreign Ministry of Vietnam allowing me to enter the country before they could process my visa application.
Blink. Blink.
I don't think the couple next to me (who had just gotten their visas processed) could have done a double-glance faster than the one they did. They met my eyes in this sort of mutual embarrassment and confusion.
I took a few deep breaths and began to relay my lack of understanding regarding this *special* requirement as it was not listed anywhere on the website that Bobbi and I perused over to ensure that nothing was missing from our application. Nevertheless, the vicious lady was insistent that this was required for all tourists to Vietnam (the couple next to me is begin to give looks of outrage at this point in time).
After the week of hell that I had already suffered through, I lacked the energy or desire to argue with the lady in that storefront of an embassy. I collected my things and left. It took me over an hour to get back to the school due to all the traffic and upon getting there I discovered, as I already knew, from other teachers who had been to Vietnam that the letter of permission was one hundred percent bullshit. I had a mini-breakdown of sorts in the English office soon thereafter.
That was Friday. Today (Monday) would have been the last possible day for Bobbi and I to make another attempt at our visas. Upon discussing it, we both essentially agreed that we didn't think it was worth the money we would have to put in for the visas (as well as the ridiculous sum to get our passports expedited in order to have them back to us tomorrow in time for our trip). Furthermore, so many of our friends had been taken for a ride so many times at that embassy (such as one person having to pay a substantial amount more for a visa than her fellow traveler). As such, we made the painful decision that we would rather our already-paid-for plane tickets go to waste than to sink any more money into a trip that would have left us bitter and disgusted.
This has been my most disappointing period of time in Bangkok. I am now left with 3 wonderful weeks of from school which will be spent, almost certainly, doing absolutely nothing.
In a week that has been a daily dose of disappointment, I am further saddened to report what I have unofficially called "The last thing that could go wrong".
Amidst the work and personal stress, the one thing that had been the proverbial 'light at the end of the tunnel' was my four-day trip to Hanoi with Bobbi.
On Friday, I took our passports and Visa application to the Embassy of Vietnam to get our visas. The trip to get there was exhausting and tiring and I was still smarting from the aforementioned events of the past few days.
I was thankful that there was only one other couple in front of me when I arrived so I patiently waited my turn. I got to the counter and passed along our passports, visa application, and monies. She looked at me, looked back at the visas, looked at me, and looked back. Then, with a slightly malicious smile in her eyes, she told me that I, personally, would need special permission from the Foreign Ministry of Vietnam allowing me to enter the country before they could process my visa application.
Blink. Blink.
I don't think the couple next to me (who had just gotten their visas processed) could have done a double-glance faster than the one they did. They met my eyes in this sort of mutual embarrassment and confusion.
I took a few deep breaths and began to relay my lack of understanding regarding this *special* requirement as it was not listed anywhere on the website that Bobbi and I perused over to ensure that nothing was missing from our application. Nevertheless, the vicious lady was insistent that this was required for all tourists to Vietnam (the couple next to me is begin to give looks of outrage at this point in time).
After the week of hell that I had already suffered through, I lacked the energy or desire to argue with the lady in that storefront of an embassy. I collected my things and left. It took me over an hour to get back to the school due to all the traffic and upon getting there I discovered, as I already knew, from other teachers who had been to Vietnam that the letter of permission was one hundred percent bullshit. I had a mini-breakdown of sorts in the English office soon thereafter.
That was Friday. Today (Monday) would have been the last possible day for Bobbi and I to make another attempt at our visas. Upon discussing it, we both essentially agreed that we didn't think it was worth the money we would have to put in for the visas (as well as the ridiculous sum to get our passports expedited in order to have them back to us tomorrow in time for our trip). Furthermore, so many of our friends had been taken for a ride so many times at that embassy (such as one person having to pay a substantial amount more for a visa than her fellow traveler). As such, we made the painful decision that we would rather our already-paid-for plane tickets go to waste than to sink any more money into a trip that would have left us bitter and disgusted.
This has been my most disappointing period of time in Bangkok. I am now left with 3 wonderful weeks of from school which will be spent, almost certainly, doing absolutely nothing.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Complacency
"On an altar of prejudice we crucify our own, yet the blood of all children is the color of God.”
- Don Williams Jr.
Before I begin with a story that has brought a semi-permanent cloud over my normally sunny disposition, I must give you a bit of the back story. One of our dear teachers in Prathom (where they teach students from 1-6th grade) has to leave Bangkok at the end of October and so the department is trying to figure out who will take her classes at the beginning of next term.
Enter in Dwight - he's taught at Mattayom (where I teach) previously, he speaks Thai, he's got a great personality, all the kids love him here, and he's well-liked by both Mattayom AND Prathom teachers. Geoffrey, our British guardian, recommended Dwight to the head of the English department at Prathom and they both went over there yesterday morning to talk to the English head about Dwight taking over the class. The man looked at Geoffrey and, disregarding Dwight's obvious credentials and qualifications, told him that he would not take Dwight because he might scare the children.
Dwight is black.
Before I came to Thailand I had been warned that there is a thinly veiled current of prejudice that runs through its society. It comes as no surprise to me after being here since this is a society that worships an eerily pale complexion and where whitening ingredients are found in every bath and beauty product.
Nevertheless, this is a school. Schools are to be the fount of education not the swamps of ignorance. I teach in Mattayom, just steps away from Prathom, and my race has never been an issue. The students love me and some of the teachers here are almost like family. What makes the children in P6 (6th grade), that a person like me would not be able to teach, any different from a M1 (7th grade) student that I am?
Perhaps the department head's response simply sprung out of hundreds of years of social conditioning. It is not forgivable but is certainly more understandable BUT I cannot forgive nor understand the response of some of my fellow teachers.
Two of the seven Prathom teachers were righteously indignant over the prejudicial attitude that was exhibited that day. Unfortunately, when discussing the situation with some of their fellow teachers, they received comments like "Oh, that's just the way it is" and "It's Thailand" and even "Oh, we're from Texas we deal with racism."
Pardon me while I am ill.
No, YOU do not deal with racism. You are complacent and are part of a broken system that would deny a person's rights because of the color of their skin. The phrase "that's just their culture" is enough to send thoughts of violence streaming through my head. It is one thing to honor a culture by accepting their ways of doing things, using their greetings, speaking their language, and acting in a polite manner befitting your position. But NEVER can and will simple, universal, human ethics be bound by culture.
Child prostitution is wrong, forced female circumcision is wrong, sexual abuse of children is wrong, racism and prejudice ARE wrong. From New York to Bangkok, these things are wrong and inexcusable.
The attitude of culturally brainwashed people is understandable, the complacency of my fellow, educated Americans is unforgivable. To say that cultural racism is okay is to relegate my life - and the lives of any others that are faced with daily racism, prejudice, and discrimination - to one of inconsequence. A life where my happiness and freedom are whims of whatever society I may find myself in and one in which my feelings, hopes, dreams, and ideas have no bearing.
Perhaps this is not what they meant, but this is what they have said, and this is what they have done.
- Don Williams Jr.
Before I begin with a story that has brought a semi-permanent cloud over my normally sunny disposition, I must give you a bit of the back story. One of our dear teachers in Prathom (where they teach students from 1-6th grade) has to leave Bangkok at the end of October and so the department is trying to figure out who will take her classes at the beginning of next term.
Enter in Dwight - he's taught at Mattayom (where I teach) previously, he speaks Thai, he's got a great personality, all the kids love him here, and he's well-liked by both Mattayom AND Prathom teachers. Geoffrey, our British guardian, recommended Dwight to the head of the English department at Prathom and they both went over there yesterday morning to talk to the English head about Dwight taking over the class. The man looked at Geoffrey and, disregarding Dwight's obvious credentials and qualifications, told him that he would not take Dwight because he might scare the children.
Dwight is black.
Before I came to Thailand I had been warned that there is a thinly veiled current of prejudice that runs through its society. It comes as no surprise to me after being here since this is a society that worships an eerily pale complexion and where whitening ingredients are found in every bath and beauty product.
Nevertheless, this is a school. Schools are to be the fount of education not the swamps of ignorance. I teach in Mattayom, just steps away from Prathom, and my race has never been an issue. The students love me and some of the teachers here are almost like family. What makes the children in P6 (6th grade), that a person like me would not be able to teach, any different from a M1 (7th grade) student that I am?
Perhaps the department head's response simply sprung out of hundreds of years of social conditioning. It is not forgivable but is certainly more understandable BUT I cannot forgive nor understand the response of some of my fellow teachers.
Two of the seven Prathom teachers were righteously indignant over the prejudicial attitude that was exhibited that day. Unfortunately, when discussing the situation with some of their fellow teachers, they received comments like "Oh, that's just the way it is" and "It's Thailand" and even "Oh, we're from Texas we deal with racism."
Pardon me while I am ill.
No, YOU do not deal with racism. You are complacent and are part of a broken system that would deny a person's rights because of the color of their skin. The phrase "that's just their culture" is enough to send thoughts of violence streaming through my head. It is one thing to honor a culture by accepting their ways of doing things, using their greetings, speaking their language, and acting in a polite manner befitting your position. But NEVER can and will simple, universal, human ethics be bound by culture.
Child prostitution is wrong, forced female circumcision is wrong, sexual abuse of children is wrong, racism and prejudice ARE wrong. From New York to Bangkok, these things are wrong and inexcusable.
The attitude of culturally brainwashed people is understandable, the complacency of my fellow, educated Americans is unforgivable. To say that cultural racism is okay is to relegate my life - and the lives of any others that are faced with daily racism, prejudice, and discrimination - to one of inconsequence. A life where my happiness and freedom are whims of whatever society I may find myself in and one in which my feelings, hopes, dreams, and ideas have no bearing.
Perhaps this is not what they meant, but this is what they have said, and this is what they have done.
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